And I want to draw people that have played the role of certain arechetypes in my life. But my lack of self confidence in my art skills has scared me and I have had many attempts and have failed.
Like my boyfriend’s family really reminds me of the wands suit since they have been integral with rebirth and change from my mental health, and since my boyfriend was raised pagan I’ve been in a very healing and spiritual environment.
I’d also love to draw my highschool english teacher as a card, possibly the heirophant? Since he calls himself the Johnny Appleseed of good books, and had this habit of hijacking kids in the hallway who were troubled to give him a book that would change their lives or inspire him. He was a huge mentor for me and I was a teaching assistant to the first advanced creative writing course he pioneered. He also opened up a whole world of poc authors for me and was THE ONLY teacher who exposed us to famous works by people who weren’t dead white guys.
And I’d love to draw my foster aunt as the queen of swords since her calculating strict guidance helped me survive the college application process and continues to keep me on track to recovery.
But I’m like I suck at art and I get so annoyed when my art improves and the first half isn’t as good as the second half and augh.
But when I was showing my boyfriend’s mom the shadowscapes tarot since Stephanie Pui Min law is a huge inspiration to me. (I’ve been following that deck since he beginning) and we’re both artists she’s like “Tiff you should totally make a deck” I mean drawing tarot cards when I was in the psych ward was really really helpful and fun for me and the other patients. It was one of the few bright and good things that made everyone who was miserable there happy. (They treated us like crap there) and it was really rewarding to see their faces light I can up and smile and talk to me about their experiences, and I got to glimpse what they were like when they were healthy and just…I think it could really help me.
I wish I didn’t suck so bad at art.
At home I had a binder of cards I made when I was 12 and I was super super passionate and excited about it. It’s actually how I learned the meanings of all the cards by researching the interpretations and drawing my own version, they are really silly looking but I don’t have that passion that drive that “I don’t care I’m the best!” attitude.
And as amateur as it looks they had a sense of life to them and now all my art looks stiff and forced. I can’t draw like my sis theemptypot since everything looks like it’s alive. I can only look at a photo, reference it and make it look like that photo. I draw from life, but again it’s stiff it’s not fluid it’s not alive.