And it’s not just because of all the amazingly kind birthday wishes on my news feed, but because I got a good nights sleep, I have taken my medication, I have coffee in my system and I have a huge gap of time to relax and unwind before work today.
As I’m contemplating this morning I realize how blessed I am. I have an amazing boyfriend who’s extremely supportive and forgiving, who has also given me a safe place to recover and grow as a person, I have some really brilliant siblings who I’m very close to and adore. (seriously we’re like the Baudelaire children, we’re totes intelligent)
And I have a job, it’s a minimum wage job, but it’s a job, that gives me a sense of self worth and some form of income. My parents still love me even though they don’t understand my life decisions, and people seem to like my posts on here.
I know who I am as a person. I know what I want to do in life, even though I say I don’t. I have an amazing craft area with adorable cats running around who like me, and I am getting better and better mental health wise. It’s slow but I have definatley improved.
I don’t stay in bed and starve myself. I actually can communicate my needs more freely, and I have discovered a new way to prevent myself from freaking out.
I know it sounds simple but it works for me.
Most health professionals tell me to meditate and there are scientific studies that prove it works, but I personally couldn’t empty my head completely.
So I hyper focus on something very small and tell myself everything will be okay if I can control this tiny thought in my head. I would count those sessions by saying ” 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi ect”labl and I made sure I enunciated each syllable under my breathe until it was time for me to do what I needed to do.
It helped me keep track of orders, but I found myself counting every time I had an inkling of a bad thought or the beginning of a panic attack. I would count and ONLY focus on counting, until the bad feelings went away.
It helps me when I’m walking long distances and getting tired, it helps when I have trouble sleeping, and it just made things much easier for me when I was going about my day.
I’m less scared about work now that I have this technique and I hope it will work for others. Wish me luck at work guys!