posts tagged "suicide"


If any of you have/had depression would you mind telling me how you knew for sure and what you did about it?

I always knew something was off about me, but it wasn’t until I was unable to get out of bed, leave my dorm room, shower, eat, or even get dressed that I knew something had to be fixed. I was failing all of my classes due to lack of attendance and had no motivation to do anything. When it started impacting my life in a huge way I emailed my foster aunt and told her how I felt. 

I ended up getting hospitalized in the psych ward down the street from my school and got regular visits from therapists as well as having doctors experiment with what medication options worked for me. 

I don’t mean to scare you. You won’t get whisked away to a hospital without realizing it unless doctors believe you are at risk of commiting suicide right then and there. I had my entire suicide planned out in great detail and since it was pre mediated they thought hospitlization was the best for me. 

I will say this, it’s very difficult to find a psychiatrist and a therapist that works well for you, and it’s very easy to get jaded and think that therapy is pointless. I URGE YOU TO KEEP GOING. Finding a therapist that works well for you is A HUGE BOON. 

Do not be afraid to try out therapists and say no if they don’t work out for you. Tell someone you trust about your condition that is willing to listen and fully grasp the situation. 

If you are scared of therapy or skeptical about it, think about it this way, having a completely unbiased party critically look at what’s going on and be helpful. Friends can only do so much, but since they are your friends they have their own motivations that they are subconsciously trying to address. 

You are literally PAYING for a therapist to figure out what the hell is going on, so it is in their best interest to do that! 

If you are worried about your parents finding out you can sign a confidential notice that prevents your parents from seeing your medical records without their consent. (I was forced to do this since my parents were abusive) 

I’m not sure what the exact laws are for that situation but I’ll keep an eye out for you. Best of luck!

So I did something crazy

I stood up to my mother for the first time in my life.

To all the people that don’t know me very well keep in mind my parents are both Khmer Rouge genocide survivors. Trauma survivors raise kids with trauma symptoms, and my depression and anxiety stems from this. Because of this my academics get really screwed up, and this is what caused me to be in the hospital for a week. 

After I got out, I had to go home where all my triggers are. I’m my parents emotional punching bag and mom uses me to vent all the time. I think my mom has a lot of psycological issues that she needs to address, that I can’t handle, so I end up sick with guilt. Here’s a quick explanation under the cut of what happened. 

EDIT: This is also the main reason why I’ll be less active on tumblr. I need to fix my life.

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